Google Virgle

Google is taking applications for the first human colonists on Mars. Feeling well equipped (and also bored stiff of Earth) I submitted my questionnaire immediately. The following are the results of my application:

“Congratulations — you are ideally suited to be a Virgle Pioneer; so ideally so, in fact, that one wonders why you aren’t already living on a remote South Pacific island, serving as a biosphere test subject, washing dishes at a North Pole research station during the depths of winter or writing a highly intelligent, articulate political blog. At any rate, we want you for one of our upcoming Virgle launches. You’ll love it — the pay is great, the view from the spaceport should be spectacular, and we’re told that algae and spirulina actually start to taste good after the hundredth consecutive day.”

So long, suckers! Have fun killing each other, I’ll be playing backgammon on the way to Mars.